letters

just in case you all think i stopped writing: i haven't.

i've been writing on umbilical cords, that's all.

i wrote a letter to my daughter, and watching her read it from first to last word was an act of courage and self-love.

then a letter to my mother started shadowing me. i could hear it rustle behind me in the dry forest leaves, but every time i turned around it was gone. i could feel it lying close to me in bed at night, but it turned transparent and disappeared slowly as the dawn turned to light. also, it kept changing. its contents. its shape.

i sat myself down to write it anyway, come what may, and all i got was a painful little poem. it went like this

      Chère maman,

                 a letter to my 
                       mother.
                too scary.
               
               wait a little.
                 Try again?

                        Au!

nothing but the truth will do. no matter how little. no matter how painful. as long as it's true.

start small then. small but straight.

the truth is that i don't remember how to tell the truth to my mother.

and now for the courage to tell her, rather than you...