he ain't heavy, he's my brother

(to my brother, on his almost birthday, with his permission)

take care of your little brother

she said

maybe she did

maybe she didn't

but i heard her anyway

and took it/him to heart

so i fed him bits of bird and stone and bone 

and gut and cloud and tongue

protect your little brother

she said

maybe she did

maybe she didn't

but i heard her anyway

and took it/him to heart

for lack of sword, i sharpened my gaze

for lack of armour, i iron-sheeted my chest

for lack of dragons, i made some up

so i could scare him good

then save him

carry your little brother

she said

maybe she did

maybe she didn't 

but i heard her anyway

and took it/him to heart

when he bathed, i gathered his bruises 

from beside the tub, 

and tattooed them under my skin

when he slept, i breathed in

his sadness, his rage, his bewilderment

and remembered to  never exhale

he grew

i failed

maybe she said it 

maybe she didn't

but i heard her anyway

nothing short

of swallowing him

would have done

i failed

so glad

i failed

so glad

i failed

he is heavy

of a weight 

his own 

that i could never

and therefore

never

had to

he's my brother