thrive

i made a wish earlier this year. my wish was to learn to thrive.

thrive. a word i cannot translate into any other language i speak. one that articulates an intense longing, to find the treasure hidden under the roots of this very life of mine.

i made this wish and sent it off into the world, on the wings of birds and breezes, in the dark moist earth beneath the roots of my garden, among the screeching of seagulls and rustling of shells on the beach.

and then i became quiet, as quiet as i could, and i listened. for an answer.

... it has been coming, finding its way to me, in dreams, in whisperings, in shards, in threads, in shimmerings...

at times it is like peeling an onion, at other times like reconstructing the skeleton of a strange old-forgotten creature, or laying a mosaic, or darning socks.

here are some bits i have collected so far:

Rest and play, all of life nothing but rest and play, wrapped in each other, as a figure-eight, the sign for infinity, a snake eating its own tail. two times rest to one times play. those are the right proportions.

Safety. 'Our sense of comfort and safety arise directly from our experience of our body's ability to regulate its own energy,' says Peter Levine. A revelation...

Enough.... is not as comfortable as one might have hoped (at least at first). and it keeps moving (annoyingly). it's a constantly shifting place between the too little i would give myself and the too much i constantly crave.

Time. Decompressed. Stretched out. Allowed to breathe. I do not understand time. I only know it is not as i was taught. it is not what i was taught.

Fresh water, fresh food, dance, cuddles. Always... but this i already knew.

so much to explore. i think i might write a post about each of these. and whatever else arises. as it does.

but not today.

today the sun beckons...
today time warms up and slows down...

today this can wait...